I Need to Talk About Something....

[Eclecticos]

I'm not depressed, although I do have dreams about killing people....

Thats what sends my day sometimes into a downward spiral waking up after a bad dream. . I begin to think about what happened in the dream and it kinda curbs my day into the dumpster.

Have had some morbid dreams myself. Try turning on a fan or kick the AC on low before you goto bed.
I've had significantly less bad dreams with a cooler, quieter sleeping environment.

I'm sure your fine. . and will probably outlive all of us.

[Luke122]

I've also had much more relaxed dreams since I gave up caffeine.. try cutting down (or eliminating) your intake, and you'll likely reduce your stress by a noticeable amount.

Also, I think you've already made the first step by voicing your thoughts in here. We are all hoping that things that work out for you, and it's good to know that so many people care for your wellbeing.

[jdbnsn]

Many folks with depression are not aware that they are depressed, IMO it is worth at least having an evaluation to consider antidepressants along with a short chat with a therapist. I've needed one several times. Another thing that may help you feel better is some form of community service, helping out a few people in need tends to boost your feeling of meaning. There is no higher purpose than service to others.

[nil8]

I will agree with the feelings related to helping others. I love helping others and allowing them to grow as people.

This is my personal opinion, but I was a troubled child, youth, and young adult. I went through a few therapists and have been on antidepressants and anti psychotics and nothing ever made things better. It just repressed or maintained some status quo.

I've only ever found myself to become better through willed change & commitment. It is difficult and many people require some form of therapy to be able to gain the tools and work through these changes and solidifying them in themselves.
I don't. It's not a basic refusal, it's using the system and finding it ultimately lacking in what I need to make myself who I want to be. So I continually seek out systems that do what I want.

Violent imagery shouldn't be repressed or denied no matter if it's during sleep or being awake. The root of it must be understood before it will stop. There are reasons you are having this.

The first step is letting these things out to people you trust. Talk to your family & friends about this. Listen to them. See what they have to say.
If you choose to seek professional help, it doesn't make you weak. It makes you normal.
If you don't have the right tool to do something, you find it or borrow it. That's all therapy is. Giving people the tools they need to help them work through their issues. Sometimes this is alone, sometimes it's not.

Put off your pending projects or unimportant things TGS. Making yourself mentally healthy and stable means much more to you, your friends and loved ones than any computer, car, or other hobby.

You have my best wishes. Good luck, and if you want someone to listen or talk to who has lived with a lot of what you're describing, I'd be willing to help.

[Slug Toy]

i dont want to sound like a parrot, but i recognize this issue too because i had a three month struggle with similar things. i think it all comes down to change. the first step, like everyone says, is recognizing the problem. after that, you have to figure out whats pissing you off, because theres usually something. for me it was school. then the next step is changing that thing, and for me the solution so far has been a semester off.

change may or may not be easy. it depends on how strong you are. i feel like im a fairly mentally strong person... aside from being just plain mental sometimes. for me it didnt take antidepressants, or expensive trips to a psychiatrist. like i said, i just took a semester off and told myself i was tired of not wanting to wake up in the morning. so if you think you're a strong person, you can try it my way, but theres no guarantee it will work. sometimes you need more help.

another thing i should note is that from my experience, you dont often recover 100%. even though i feel better than i did 5 months ago, im still not quite right. i just dont get pleasure or excitement out of the things i used to. everything is just a mild amusement at best. usually all i can hope for is to feel content, but it lasts for a while so its a trade off. a short period of exhilaration versus an extended period of feeling content. ill take the latter i think, because im generally a mellow person.

so to sum it up... it cant be summed up very easily. the mind is a complex thing, and different approaches work for different people. i think crazybuddhist is right in that you should take a good look at yourself and have a good ponder. it may take an hour, it may take a week before you figure things out. it may take more than just you. all in all, though, i think that should be the next move.

[jdbnsn]

I agree that meds are not always the answer, but they can be very helpful in some cases. Keep in mind that people who do not respond to typical antidepressants often have a subtle form of type II Bipolar disorder, I'm not saying that you do but it's a possibility. I myself have been treated for depression with no results, but medication for Bipolar depression has been very helpful. Another thing I would recommend is reading inspiring books, I suggest taking a look into Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits Of Hight Effective People" The book is actually geared toward business management techniques but really covers a great deal of very insiteful takes on personality and spirituality without refence to religion. It made me feel alot better when I read it.

[Slug Toy]

holy crap, i completely forgot about the whole inspirational aspect. that is HUGE.

yes reading does help, if you like reading. id also suggest searching for new music. i now have a HUGE connection with the entire album the thirteenth step by a perfect circle. its not necessarily inspirational in tone, but its damn complex and immersing. as far as im concerned, its about as refined as rock can get. ive spent many hours just deconstructing the songs and lyrics, isolating and appreciating individual instruments, and getting lost in the emotions it brings up. it got me through some tough times and late nights.

[jdbnsn]

That's appropriate, The Thirteenth Step is themed around recovery. (obviously a play on the 12 steps in AA, but can be applied to recovering from any problem).

[TheGreatSatan]

I've never heard of Perfect Circle. Anyway, I know what'll make me feel better, I'm gonna have another contest.

In the meantime I'll go back to Ephedrine....

[xRyokenx]

Well... good luck with it all, I feel as though I'm in the clear from a recent "disaster" but I also have this haunting suspicion that I'm not... I still have some recent wounds that have not yet healed, and are bothering me quite a bit. Complex things too... I'm not sure about all of it yet, after a little bit more thinking I'll try to find a solution, as I could thinkn forever and not be certain that I've come to the right solution...

But yeah, enough of me "rambling" lol... good luck with the contest and everything.

-Anthony