I Need to Talk About Something....

[TheGreatSatan]

Have you ever felt like it's all over? Life as a whole I mean....

I have this lingering feeling that whatever I am supposed to do on this planet has been accomplished and it's only a matter of time before I'm gone. I'm not at all suicidal or anything and I'd love to stay with my children forever, but the feeling still remains.

Not being at all religious and NOT believing in an afterlife, keeps me constanly thinking of what's to come...

I watch a bunch of different shows about Psychics, ghost hunting and the paranormal. It's only normal for the human mind to make the connection between life and TV and make it more personal. The brain is tricky like that. Things like dust and reflections can make the brain create faces leaving many people thinking that they've witnessed a ghost or something. But it's just the brain. I keep wondering if my constant inner struggle is a result of TV or if there really is something to be said of it. Maybe I'm a tad bit psychic too or maybe I'm just crazy...

It affects my modding too. I have two projects waiting downstairs collecting dust with others in my head and I'm just not interested in getting to them.

It actually really pisses me off that if I do die at any point in time that there's no one to tell all my forum buddies. My wife won't, so who will?

Just thinking out loud this time.

[Bucko]

It actually really pisses me off that if I do die at any point in time that there's no one to tell all my forum buddies. My wife won't, so who will?

Leave an instruction in your Will along with URLs to the sites.

[DaJe]

I've online wondered, if anything happened to me, how would all my online friends know? I talk to people more online than face to face (webcams don't count as face to face). It's just my lifestyle.

[jdbnsn]

What you are describing sound alot like the symptoms of depression. Maybe you should pay your doc a visit and ask him/her?

[TheGreatSatan]

I'm not depressed, although I do have dreams about killing people....

[Crazy Buddhist]

What you are describing sound alot like the symptoms of depression. Maybe you should pay your doc a visit and ask him/her?

Good call jon

It also sounds like what used to be called a mid-life crisis which is really a form of depression too. And It's important to remember that depression "ain't no bad thing" - it is a signpost to a need for change in your life - which you already seem to be aware of. It becomes, or can become, a VERY BIG BAD THING if you don't pay attention early.

This sense you are experiencing is really common. Don't just go and see the doc and take some happy pills though because you probably really need to take a long slow gentle look at your life and see what new directions it is demanding from you.

You say you aren't suicidal and that means that taking pills is unlikely to be the best solution. Taking pills can help lift your mood but you need to get inside yourself and find those questions that niggle - we all have them.

Life is a journey and it is our own desires and choices that are the biggest factor in determining the quality of that journey for us. Your mind seems to be asking you to look again and see if there are some new choices you need to make or some old ones you need to discard. That's my interpretation of "depression" and living with it for a long time I can say that approach is more beneficial to me that pills: It gets me thinking about what I can do

So like Jon said, if these feelings continue, find someone you can talk to about it - maybe start with your doctor - but not just for pills - talk to someone who can stand back a bit and help you look at your life and work out what choices you have.

Big up for putting it out here (talking about such feelings is always the beginning of dealing with them) and best wishes. If you want to discuss anything I've written here feel free to PM me if you think it might help.

And remember if your life was over you wouldn' know about it so it can't be

CrazyB

[DaJe]

I say + rep for some good advice!

[SgtM]

Jon might be on to something and CrazyB and Commando have some really good advice. That certainly sounds a lot like what I went through.

Not only was I depressed, I had anxiety really bad. This was back in late 2002 and lasted through early 2003. I was taking ativan like it was my job. I kept waiting and waiting everyday.. maybe I'll die today. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Where will I be? Who will call my wife? What will the baby do.. she hardly knew me. Maybe it will be a heart attack, maybe I have an annurism and it's about to pop, maybe I'll fall off of the next telephone pole that I climb. I even had a customer call 911 for me because I thought I was having chest pains while I was installing his cable.

Even though the source is a chemical imbalance, depression and anxiety do effed up things to you physically.

It got real bad. I really didn't care about anything at that time. Computers, family, music. I was just numb to everything. Nothing made me content.

I finally figured it out that the war (still in it's early stages) was the source. I had only been discharged since 2000, and BOTH of my units were on the ground gettin some, and also taking casualties. I felt that I left my brothers in arms behind, and they were dissappointed in me. After I finally figured out that my job here with my family was more important, I was able to stop the meds, and return to a bit of normalcy. I still get anxious now and then, but it doesn't get out of control like before. If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here dude. I'll even PM you my phone number if you want it.

Semper Fi

[Crazy Buddhist]

I recognise a serious statement when I read it.

Dude, it's time to talk to someone besides us..............................

If your having problems. PM me, someone else, or start looking for some pro level counciling. Even professionals shouldn't be having dreams like that...

Commando I'm fully in agreement with everything you say however I have dreams about killing people. I am not going to kill anyone because I recognise it would not help me. Behind such dreams there always lays justifiable anger and there is a need to get to the root of the anger and deal with the issues behind it in ways that are more constructive than killing somneone. I do not think this statement should be taken as a statement of intent I think it is an indication of how much unprocessed tension and anger is behind the scenes boiling up.

That TheGreatSatan is saying it indicates he is very unlikely to act on it. The Crazies who act on it don't tell. They start stashing weapons, making plans, practicing their bravado and repeatedly justifying their intentions over and over in their heads programming the rightness of what they intend to do.

I agree that TheGreat needs to make changes in his life and the first one could be finding the right person to talk to. In my experience that is not likely to be a doctor, Psych or therapist in the first instance.

We all have real world friends we can be honest with. And whatever our circumstances we can all take a break and find a way to go to Mexico for a month and lay on a beach and wonder about who we are. Either of these is often more productive than seeing a doctor. I'm not saying don't see one but do the other things first.

CrazyB

[Crimson Sky]

As we get older we all come to grips with our mortality, and often have feelings and thoughts of our own end. It's when we're younger that we think we'll live forever. It's natural and nothing to fear.