Method: Lapercise bike. A lapercise bike is by far the most extravagent method of exercise. It will be the most expensive but, if carried out correctly, it will be by far the most effective. You will need:
- A laptop
- An exercise bike
- A mouse
- Another geek
- Pie to bribe the other geek
- A good hiding sopt
- money for additional hardware that the geek will need to purchase
The goal here is to secure a laptop onto the handlebars of an exercise bike and then hook up the mouse to be powered by the geek pedaling. You will need a very good bribe to convince the other geek to help you. This secondary geek will probably be one of your boyfriend's close friends so this may be a difficult negotiation. It is not that he will
not help you, or even that he is
opposed to helping you, he simply knows that you need him and will want to get the very best pie deal out of this.
You may be surprized or even suspicious that this friend is even willing to help you, but this is really not that unusual. One of the most important things that high school has taught geeks is that if someone is getting picked on, they themselves are probably safe. His logic is that for as long as you are occupied with this, you are not helping
his girlfriend donate his comic book collection to charity.
To convince your geek to use the bike, you will have to disable his main computer. Get the friend to do this for you since your non-geek static will almost certainly fry your boyfriends motherboard.
You will probably be unable to keep the computer disabled for more than a few days at a time and may find it easier to just hide it. I recommend using one of your non-geek friends. Even if he knows who has it, he will be unable to retrieve it out of fear of being ridiculed.
How to convince him to do it:
- If a geek has to pedal to use his computer, he will pedal. As previously stated in the Geek Test: geeks need bandwidth to survive. If he can not get online, he will shrivel up and die.
How to convince him to stick with it:
Disadvantages:
He is going to be mad. Really mad. You have taken his baby away, and replaced it with a torturing device. He is going to sulk more than usual, and his glaring will increase by up to 75%. I recommend being extremely nice to him until he gets used to it. Buy him plenty of presents, and low-fat apple pies.*
*Now might be a good time to give in and wear that golden bikini. You know what I'm talking about.
Thinkgeek goodies!
Originally Posted by Zephik
Yea well you try telling a fat kid that.
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