Need some relationship advice

[danthegeek]

I need a bit of advice. I know we could all use some advice on this subject, but i figured most of you have been in the game longer then me so I would ask.

I have been dating this girl for over 4 years and things are pretty good. She isnt like most girls I have dated. First of all, we don't fight and we get along all the time. We have similar interests and goals and she isn't one of those stuck-up beaches you meet on a daily basis. I would give anything to be with her and do anything I could for her. I felt she felt the same way. However, things seem to be making a turn. I get the feeling she doesn't feel this way anymore. She is more concerned about her future and money then what may happen.

For example, she was excepted to teach a summer camp in Boston for 2 months. Since this is rather far away from the good ol state of Maryland, she decided not to tell me. She was afraid it would make me mad she was leaving for that amount of time. Now, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be mad about something like that, but i am rather pi$$ed she didn't tell until a week after she found out. Also, she will be attending another college, about 2 hours away from where I live, in the fall. It will be another 2 years. I had asked if she wanted me to move with her and she replied "I don't know." She isn't sure it would be a good idea. Personally, I gave up going to a 4 year school so i wouldn't be far from her or my grandmother. I also took off a year of college to help my grandparents out when my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. After he died in March, Ive been a bit down but I have always felt family comes first no matter what life throws at you. So, this is where I am, wondering what the heck I have gotten myself into and wondering if i have been waisting both of our time.

Sorry for the rant, but I have had enough to drink for the night lol.

-dan

[Okele]

Having been married for the past 10 years and with my wife for a total of 15 years, Id have to say you should just point blank ask her what the deal is. You will be wasting more of YOUR time if shes no longer interested. It could also be an issue of her actually wanting to be married since you guys have been together for so long. Or she could just be in a phase where she wants to have some fun. Again, best way to handle it is to just ask her, worst thing that could happen is she will tell you to get lost but at least youll have some closure on the situation and it will be easier to move on.

[BigJohnson]

Im with Okele here. But prepare yourself for either answer. It can really cause one to lose control after this much invested time to come to nothing. The fact that she didnt want to tell you maybe says something about you. Dont get me wrong. I dont know anything about you. But has there been a situation in the past where you lost it about something that has nothing to do with anything but itself? Maybe your past reaction caused her to believe that something like that would happen this time.

Or it could be like the situation I have been in. Where they begin to believe that you are all in for this relationship and they aren't sure if they are in as much as you are. Then they get uncomfortable and freak out. Usually causing a split, all because of the female emotion rather than whats important.

I wish for the best for you man. I hope you can get through this unscathed. Good luck.

[Airbozo]

Don't read too much into the fact that she did not tell you until a week after finding out. It may be tearing her up too and she had mixed feelings about going and how to approach the situation. Don't punish her for being human and having mixed feelings.

Out of curiosity how old are both of you?

IMHO taking care of YOU first IS putting your family first. How can you offer your family anything if there is nothing to offer.

Giving up a 4 year school to be close to girlfriend and granny was a disservice to them and you. Do you think either of them wants to live with the knowledge that your future was compromised for their perceived well being? That is a huge weight to bear. It is also detrimental to the way a woman will look at you. Women look at men for how strong and successful they will be. It is in their genes to view men this way because it dictates the future of the relationship and the survival of their potential offspring.

Approach your girlfriend honestly with how you feel. Let her know you are interested in having her in your life for as long as possible. Don't throw any guilt or anger into the conversation. Be supportive. ...and yes it sounds cliche, but be prepared to let her go to keep her love.

[Ichbin]

With what Airbozo said, remember this.

There is a huge difference from distance in reality, and distance of heart.

I just moved to VA when my GF lives in MI. We won't be living in the same state for...most likely a year due to college reasons.

All in all, if you both want it to work, it will work. Just before you are actually seperated from each other, make sure you get some ground rules involving the communication.

For example, my girlfriend likes to hang-up when she gets frusterated. It's now a No-No lol. Talking things out and overcommunicating your point (Not crazily, just a little more) when it comes to skype/email/IMing/phonecall actually helps out a bit. Make sure your understood about any situation, and make sure YOUR understanding as well.