I got some kind of it from one of Google's "recommended" search results :facepalm:
Anywho, it's taken over my computer. Security Essentials won't update, Windows Updates won't run, it won't let me edit my hosts file, Malwarebytes keeps turning off it's real-time protection and there's a file in my users folder that it won't let me delete.
I've tried the safe mode route, system restore, etc all to no avail. Anyone have any ideas? :facepalm: